Props and Disses 12.12.12

By on December 12, 2012

Dissing for diss’ sake DISS
Last week’s Props & Disses column contained three “props” and no disses. That’s a first … and will be an only. I have been storing some potential disses like a burr in my bonnet or a bee under my saddle. I am ready to rage.

A “diss” to all women who insist on using, like, four or five names. Facebook and other social media has brought this plague to the forefront. I assume some of you special ladies are choosing to use your middle name because it’s cute or quirky. I guess “Lisa” gets boring after a while so why not slip in the faddier middle moniker with the alt-spelling “Kathryn Emilee?”

But don’t stop there. Keeping one’s maiden name got trendy in the ’70s as more and more of the fairer sex wanted to prove they were independent and didn’t care to have their identity absorbed by their husband, especially if his surname was Dick or Butts. Somewhere along the way the hyphen was dropped and an old family name was also added.

Now you’re up to “Kathryn Emilee Wadsworth Corrigan Butts.” For the love of Pete, just pick one and go with it.

I’m also sick of “45ers.” You know who you are. You drive 45 mph all the time, everywhere. In town, you’re riding my ass in a “30” doing 45. At night on the Village road you are zipping along at 45 and mowing down moose. In a “45,” when everyone else is trying to achieve the customary “five over the limit” 50, you’re still doing 45. And on a 55 mph posted highway, you’re plugging along at that steady 45 with a train of disgruntled motorists behind you. You should turn in your license – driver’s and the one to the human race.

A big fat “diss” to retail stores that keep one of the two double doors locked. What purpose does this serve? It is extremely aggravating to the boob (almost always me) who faceplants into the one that’s locked every time (50-50 shot). Are you saving wear and tear on the one door? Are managers, eager to get a jump on closing procedures, locking one door at 7 p.m. so they can feel that much closer to getting out of there at eight?

And finally, who decided urination should be “number one” and a bowel movement should be referred to as a “number two?” I can never remember which number goes with which activity and, to me, it seems like it should be the other way around. For that matter, why can’t humans perform a number two without simultaneously doing a number one? My dog can.

Wyo keeping it tight PROP
Fox Business recognizes Wyoming. They ranked Wyoming just behind North Dakota in their list of best-run states. Wyoming has traditionally been number one but no one can touch North Dakota now with the Bakken play going nuts.
Wyoming also relies heavily on oil and gas extraction. Mining accounted for accounted for nearly a third of the state’s GDP in 2011. While it would be better to be a little more diversified, Wyoming has the advantage of being able to produce coal, gas, oil, or uranium – whichever is in highest demand.
Here’s what Fox had to say: “As a whole, the state is a model of good management and a prospering population.

The state is particularly efficient at managing its debt, owing the equivalent of just 20.4 percent of annual revenue in fiscal 2010. Wyoming also has a tax structure that, according to the Tax Foundation, is the nation’s most-favorable for businesses – it does not have any corporate income taxes. The state has experienced an energy boom in recent years. As of last year, Wyoming’s poverty, home foreclosure, and unemployment rates were all among the lowest in the nation.”

… and the cowboy rides away DISS
Richard Fields has worn out his welcome in Jackson Hole. The casino magnate has played “cowboy” long enough at this community’s expense and will leave behind nothing but another overstuffed subdivision where an open hayfield once stood.

When Fields bought his way into Jackson Hole his first act of note was to boot the English riding society off his property. Fields wanted it all Western and Western it has now gotten. His JH Land and Cattle is up for sale – 1,750 acres for $175 million. An impending auction has been delayed twice by accusations from the Hansen family – from whom he bought the 100-year-old ranch – that Fields still owes them $52 million.

The Hansen’s filed suit in October. Fields has had a history of flipping properties and making enemies. The developer flipped the infamous 15 Central Park West property in 2009, selling it for $27 million, double what he paid six months earlier. He ran afoul of Donald Trump after a business partnership dissolved in 2005.

Fields will leave behind a lot of hurt feelings and a potential 35-home subdivision in Spring Gulch. Thanks a lot, cowboy.

Reader Comments
Wow first you complain that motorists are breaking the law, then you complain that they aren’t. How traumatizing it must be for you to live with people who don’t follow your contradictory worldview. Since you are cursed with the unhappiness of driving, it is you who should turn in the driver’s license. Then maybe you can fill your columns with something of value.

Best managed state is the dumbest award ever. Lots of resource revenue and a low population equals full coffers. A monkey could manage Wyoming into the top five.

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