PROPS & DISSES: 9.3.13

By on September 3, 2013

Town for sale PROPS

I have a proposition for Idaho. Maybe I will write a letter to Governor Butch Otter and maybe he will read it if he’s not too busy gunning down wolves from a helicopter.

It will say, “Town for sale or trade. Heck, it’s half yours already. Just make the commitment, already. Take ownership immediately. Please. NOTE: State Senator Leland Christensen and cowboy singer Michael Hurwitz not included.

What I am proposing is to simply admit once and for all that Alta is no more a part of Wyoming than the sun-parched sands of the Red Desert’s Killpecker Dunes would be confused with belonging to the pristine beaches of Anse Source d’Argent on the island of La Digue in Seychelles. And recent issues have only made retaining ownership of the tiny mountain berg on the wrong side the Tetons even tougher.

Alta residents have been making noise about needing help extending their State Line Road north so some two dozen of their whopping 395 residents can get to their potato farms without having to drive to Tetonia first or trespass across the old Price place on their way to a dilapidated one-lane bridge. This on top of Teton County, WYOMING, recently buying them a fancy new library and stuff.

Response time for a St. John’s ambulance arrival in Alta after one of their hillbillies chops off his foot splitting firewood is about one hour. Now they say they need more money to fight fires. Where does it all end?

If Buford, Wyoming, (Pop. 1) can sell at auction for nearly a million bucks to some Vietnamese coffee company, we can surely get stupid money from a Russian vodka tycoon who’s got his eye on all those Alta spuds.

My backup plan offer to Idaho is a city swap. We’ll surrender Alta, not including the lucrative sales tax revenue of Grand Targhee Resort, in exchange for, say, Jackson Hole’s little sister, Sun Valley. We’ll even throw in gas towns Gillette and Rock Springs and enough Kum & Go Twinkies and electronic cigarettes to keep those residents happy about coming under Gem State jurisdiction.

Wider highways will cook the golden goose DISS

To boil it down to basics, WyDOT would like to widen highways 22 and 390, but county and town officials are hesitant to go “down that road,” so to speak. Commissioners would face the unholy wrath of wildlife advocates, who believe four-lane highways spell disaster for deer, elk, and moose. And rightly so. Town clowns dread the thought that tourism could bypass George Washington Memorial Park entirely.

Also, a four-lane facelift for Wyoming 22 and certainly Teton Village Road would eventually beg renewed discussion about a north bridge so often talked about and just as often summarily dismissed. The convenience of being able to get to and from the airport and destinations north from Teton Village is undeniably a strong driver in the dialogue about a north bridge over the Snake River. Town officials always have opposed such an idea for fear visitors would never discover Jackson and all its restaurants, art galleries and sales tax revenue.

The recent listing of the 389-acre VandeWater Ranch property ($65 million) on Fish Creek Road will only further stir the pot about a sometimes discussed connector between Fish Creek Road and Teton Village Road – something that has always bristled North Wilson residents whenever it comes up. Add in a proposed roundabout on Highway 89 at the Gros Ventre Junction and it all adds up to a master plan taking shape that looks a lot like the high-speed asphalting of Jackson Hole.

Would four-lane highways move traffic more efficiently than the current narrow roads and nighttime 35-mph restrictions? Sure they would. But is it worth it? No, it’s not. Wildlife, scenic vistas and a slower pace of life are exactly what attract visitors from cities where four-laners are being widened to six and eight. Town and county electeds should not kowtow to pressure from WyDOT or anyone else.

Pokes proud showing in Lincoln PROPS

With no due respect to Nebraska Cornhusker fans, we gave Big Red hell on Saturday. The Wyoming Cowboys were not and probably still are not on anyone’s radar when it comes to the highly competitive world of NCAA football. But boy oh boy, did our boys give ‘em a scare in Lincoln last weekend.

Nebraska was ranked No. 18 in the nation and is one of college football’s perennial powerhouses. They had won a record 27 straight home openers against every creampuff squad in Division I. The three-touchdown favorites barely escaped with their 28th (Nebraska 37, UW 34) after the Cowboys refused to go down quietly.

About Jake Nichols

You must be logged in to post a comment Login