REDNECK PERSPECTIVE: Ecstatic unfoldment

By on April 8, 2014

JACKSON, WYO – Susie stopped by my trailer unable to contain her excitement. “I’m attending an ecstatic living retreat at the eco-chic Amansala Resort in Tulum Mexico!” she said.

“What’s eco-chic?” I asked.

“You know, eco-chic,” she explained. “Like Leonardo DiCaprio, Drew Barrymore, Cate Blanchett and Sheryl Crow. It’s hip and eco-friendly at the same time.”

I wondered if sneaking empty aluminum beer cans from the recycling center to sell in Idaho Falls made me eco-chic since it involves recycling the recycling.

“There will be nourishing yoga, kirtan music, tribal drumming, healthy food and information on how to live your life,” Susie said.

“Jessica of Healthy Being Juicery is providing a guided juice cleanse while Amanda Botur, a dynamic and gifted healer and teacher who creates space for people to find freedom and resonance in their bodies and lives, will teach cultivating practices that fan the heart’s flame, that awaken and ignite ecstatic unfoldment.”

Poor Susie. Her husband Manchester lacks interest in sex and between Alice, my Republican lover, Lill my redneck girl, Blythe the vice president of ethics for Goldman Sachs, and the occasionally Utah girl up for a good time, I don’t see enough of her. So now she is going to Mexico for ecstatic unfoldment and a juice cleanse with a gathering of Wilson moms. Tragic is not too strong of word.

“Are there scholarships available to those from culturally and economically deprived areas like Hog Island or Hoback?” I asked.

Bored women seeking ecstatic unfoldment in a warm beach location promises to offer enjoyable interludes.

“It’s more of a West Bank thing,” Susie said.

I was offended. Granted, people from Hoback lack certain civilized sensibilities, but Hog Island has made huge steps on the path to enlightenment. There are now five Subarus and three Democrats in the trailer park, and I know one Hog Islander who owns only six guns! I decided to sponsor an ecstatic living course at the eco-chic, river-beach-front La-Double-Sala-Wide Resort in Hog Island.

Bobby Miller, a dynamic and gifted bartender whose drinks lead to creative freedom and resonance in people’s lives, will offer a guided tequila cleanse guaranteed to purge your gut of any impurities.

In an effort to cultivate practices that fan the heart’s flame, Joanna from Ella’s Room will provide examples of intimate wear. Also available will be OSHA-approved information on safe electrical operation of battery-powered instruments from her famous closet.

Alice, my Republican lover, will instruct on homeopathic healing of stress using the ancient practice of engaging in pleasurable activities with indigenous Hog Islanders. Compatible with eco-chic ideals, wearing Hog Islanders is not only the latest fashion craze, but they also are reusable. As a bonus, yoga master Bubba will instruct on his famous Ahod Muhak Svanasana. Not to be confused with Adho Mukha Svanasana, Bubba’s pose is commonly known as the “Sprawled in Arm Chair While Holding TV Clicker” pose.

Through conscious choices of how we nourish ourselves – including food, relationships and thoughts – we will begin to unravel the mystery of how to “be and stay” in love with our lives.

About Clyde Thornhill

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