REDNECK PERSPECTIVE: Guaranteed winning Powerball strategies

By on September 24, 2014

Jackson Hole, Wyoming – Wyoming finally has the lottery! I’ve spent hours planning how best to spend my winnings. I will want a Ferrari and maybe a second trailer house on a sunny beach filled with bikini-clad coeds seeking a wealthy sugar daddy.

I considered buying the “Sanctuary,” a West Bank residence offered by Graham-Faupel. The property was advertised in the News&Guide, as one-of a kind, unique (twice), magnificent, spacious, ideal, supreme, nestled, spectacular (three times), comfortable and delightful with a verdant yard. (Verdant, adjective: green with growing plants.) But when I noticed the price had been reduced by $2 million, I declined. One has to maintain standards.

I explained my plans for wealth accumulation to Blythe Winters-Paulson, the Goldman Sachs vice president of ethics for whom I serve as a cabana boy. “Don’t gamble with your money,” she admonished. “Gamble with other people’s money and take a percentage!”

She’s right. I was being greedy. Rather than win the Lotto for myself, I decided to generously offer a winning system for Lotto players. I use proven technical scientific methodology for a winning strategy. For example: The odds of winning Powerball are 1 in 175 million. However, the chances of the same numbers being drawn twice in a row are 1 in 175 million squared, or roughly one in 30,000,000,000,000,000.

Therefore, by not choosing the same winning number as the week before, odds are improved by 175 million times! In fact, picking numbers opposite of the previous week’s winner increases your odds by a factor of 20. For example: the opposite of 12 is 21, of 10 is 01, etc. Since the opposite of 48 is 84 and there is no number 84 in Powerball, take the square root of 84, add the first three numbers left and right of the decimal point, and multiply by two. In our above example, 84 squared is 9.16, so we have (9+1+6) x 2, which is 32. This simple method is just the tip of the iceberg of the winning strategy I have developed that can increase winning percentages by up to 80 percent for those wise enough to take advantage of my offer.

Still have doubts? That just proves you can think for yourself and are one of the smart Lotto players. To verify that my system works I had News&Guide economics columnists Jonathan Schechter create colorful pie and bar charts and I have included testimonials from a few of my satisfied customers!

Robert: “I was an obese unattractive older man with no money and intestinal issues who, for some reason, could not get a date. After using Clyde’s Powerball winning strategy I won $10 million. I am still an obese unattractive older man with intestinal issues. However, women now seem to like me. It must be the aura of confidence wealth has given me.”

Carol: “After using Clyde’s Powerball winning strategy I won $3 million. I lost 90 pounds, divorced my worthless husband and dated George Clooney and Gerard Butler in the same week!”

About Clyde Thornhill

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